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I feel like I've lost my voice  

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Here I sit, enjoying Sunday Night Football (GO STEELERS!) and I decide to finally write the post that has been in my mind for about a week or two.

I feel like I've lost my voice.

I barely blog anymore, as I'm sure you've noticed. I don't respond to pitches. I intend to, but life gets in the way. The pitches I've received in the past year sit in my "Pitches to Respond To" email folder - which currently contains 556 unread items.

I miss blogging. I miss getting to know other women online. Two years ago, I went back to work after being unexpectedly out of work for 8 months. Ever since then, I've been busy working (sometimes over my 40 hours - sometimes using comp time, but most of the time not.) I also made a pledge around that time to not spend my time off on the computer - to get out and enjoy life, enjoy my children, to spend time with friends.

For a time I was doing that, and then I was finally able to get my own place again. This just happened in May, and my resources are always tapped. Some days I wonder how I'm going to pay all of the bills, how we're going to eat, if I'll even have enough gas in my car to last until payday. Even as a single mother, I make just above the limits to not be able to get assistance for most things. I hit the local food bank once a month. I rob Peter to pay Paul, and I find myself counting down the months until I no longer am paying child support, while I barely get any support for the two I am raising.

I know that life is about choices, and I've learned alot through the things I've lived through. Too bad we can't rewind the hands of time, but you live and you learn.

I am planning on going back to school beginning Spring 2013. I've already registered for the university (University of Maryland, University College - UMUC) and just have to register for classes and work out tuition reimbursement. I'm majoring in Cyber Security and also planning to minor in Information Systems Management, so that will be 15 credits toward my Master's degree.

This isn't a story about "Woe is Me". I am a survivor. I've been a survivor my whole life, and I won't stop now. I just have to get back to me, and to my blog - if only to share my stories.

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