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Being single has it's perks... and some days it doesn't  

Friday, October 9, 2009

I recently (the night before last!!) broke up with my boyfriend of just over two years. Here we are when times were better:



I met him at work about 3 years ago, but I had a boyfriend. I saw him again about 6 months later, for a friend's going away party. He just happened to be at the bar we were at with some of his friends. I thought my friends set me up because they knew I liked him. I still had the boyfriend...

The date was April 13, 2007. That night, he came back to my house to hang out with me. I got on MySpace and had a message from my sister. It was broken, but basically I knew that my mother had taken a turn for the worse. I tried to call my sister and couldn't get her on the phone. She lives in Washington state, so I couldn't go find her. I didn't have my brother's phone number.

My mother had been in the hospital for about 4 months with Necrotizing Fasciitis, a flesh eating bacteria. She'd get better, so they'd put her in a nursing home type facility because she was going to need to learn how to walk and talk all over again. She was only 50.

She went back and forth twice, I think, before she finally passed away on April 14th. Justin was there the whole time and I thought that God sent him to me. I broke up with my boyfriend and Justin and I became inseparable, after I came back from Washington, of course.

This was the first time in all of my 30 (then) years that someone really got me. I had never felt like this before! We liked the same TV shows, had similar senses of humor, and we had fun together, even if we did nothing.

Over time, the strain of him not working started to drain on me. I still felt single and I pretty much was. Now, I look back and wonder if I was wrong... I just couldn't relinquish control in my own home and let him be "the man of the household" because he pretty much wasn't. I want and need a man to help me financially, and he wasn't doing it.

I'm very independent. I've been on my own since I was 16. I've been pretty much a single mom since I was 17. I break up with men quickly, for many reasons. My number one priority is my children, and will always be.

When Justin started staying at my house, it was great. I looked forward to coming home and seeing him. But the stress of paying everything and having to get in the middle because my kids just didn't want to listen to him (they stopped respecting him somewhere along the line), started to wear on our relationship. I hated to be in the middle - in the middle of my blood, people I brought into this world, and the man I loved. I asked him to be nicer to the children. I asked the children to respect him and do what they were told to do.

From my mother dying, I was already in a deep depression and my house started to suffer, and it still is. I look around most days and see all of the things that need to be done, and I feel overwhelmed. Some days I do things, then it just goes right back.

The depression and the things I mentioned above really started to make our relationship suffer, and I just felt that he wasn't doing enough to find a job. I make pretty good money, and I only needed about $500 extra a month. Any minimum wage job will handle that. I started becoming resentful. I started being mean. We fought alot. It's not good for the kids to see.

I asked him to move on November 7th, last year, back to his parents house, and with us arguing all of the time, I did not make time for him like I used to. I didn't want to be around someone that I argued with all of the time. Then my blog started taking off, and I'm spending tons of time on it. Factor in football, work, homework, and all of the other duties I have to handle alone, and he couldn't take it. The other day, the day after my trip to the dentist, I took off of work. Partially because of the pain I was in, and also because my daughter had a diarrhea episode that night also (while we were out!) and I kept her home sick. (She still is sick.) Justin wanted to see me - I told him I wasn't leaving due to her being sick. He got mad, someone hung up on someone. Then he called me back and said "Someone else is going to get your time." Basically telling me that he was going to cheat on me.

I cursed at him and hung up, then I began texting him. Things like "I guess you had someone waiting all along." I couldn't believe he had said that to me! I am pretty cruel sometimes too but I would never say anything like that! Wow...

Now, here I sit, semi-glad it's over, semi-not-glad it's over. I'm back to square one. I'm 32 years old and dating really isn't an option. I have no time to date. I go nowhere to meet any men. And my standards are pretty high so I don't want just anyone. I really just want to be married.

Maybe it's not in the cards for me...

I still remember the days when it was good. When we laughed and joked and didn't take offense to things that were said. I wish we could go back there, but in some relationships, there comes a point where there's too much hurt and pain and you just can't go back, can you? I think that's where we are. We've broken up before and even though I miss him I guess this is it. I've called him about 3 times and he won't return my calls or texts. I can't help thinking that this is for the best, because he doesn't offer my children or I anything. But, it still hurts.

Someone else has my time.

And here I sit, alone. I'm freaking HAWT and I'm alone...

I have tons to offer: I have a good job and I make good money; I've got an education; I'm smart, pretty, and funny. I drive my own car and pay my own bills. I'm loving and nurturing.

What's wrong with me????


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15 comments: to “ Being single has it's perks... and some days it doesn't

  • Jammie
    October 9, 2009 at 2:51 AM  

    *hugs* I know you don't know me or nothing, but you look like you might need a hug. You will find Mr. Right, but sometimes you have to find a bunch of Mr. Wrongs first. Good Luck Hun

  • Sara Elizabeth Bonds
    October 9, 2009 at 3:54 AM  

    I am so sorry about all of this going on. I am very sorry for your loss and the depression.

    I too have been on my own since I was 16. Before Scott, I was a serial dater.

    You ARE beautiful and smart and have a lot to offer. Nothing is wrong with you. You know what you want and aren't willing to settle.

    I don't have any great advice, because I met Scott online (accidentally and serendipitously). All I can say is that if you want it, you can have it. It is NEVER too late to find the love of your life. He could be across the country thinking the same thing right now. Ya know?

    While I met Scott online, I didn't meet him through a dating site. However, I have known SEVERAL people who met and married the love of their life that they met via sites like E Harmony. Have you thought about trying something like that?

  • Melanie
    October 9, 2009 at 4:03 AM  

    sorry you're in this situation, it sucks! You need to find someone confident in themselves enough to let you be independent. You also need someone that isn't gonna mooch off of you. You have a home and children to take care of.

    I just lost my mom too and it's really wearing on a relationship. Between that and all the other things you need to do. I feel for you!

  • Lisa@gardenofmany
    October 9, 2009 at 4:42 AM  

    Angie, there is nothing wrong with you . Don't settle for anything less then what you and your children deserve. It is funny how relationships seem to be all good and glory and then when the real life starts it is all gone. I really hope you are able to find peace and be happy !

  • Peggy
    October 9, 2009 at 6:37 AM  

    Angie ,NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! Don't ever blame yourself,it takes two.
    You don't need another person to make you feel bad and he should have helped with expenses. From what I have read and seen on your blog,talking to you on your blog ,you are a wonderful and beautiful woman,smart too!! Believe in yourself! You have it all .
    You have gone through a tough time ,losing your Mom,its sad ,and I know how you feel.
    I feel sometimes God put people in your life to get you through the times when you need someone,he came in your life for a reason and maybe he is not the one.
    He was in your life , remember the fun and good times,think of it as that chapter in your life and now on to a new chapter.
    I think you will meet someone who loves you and your children ,.
    We all change and your life is headed for wonderful, new and different. When one door closes ,another opens. You just don't see the door yet,but you will and a few months from you will look back and say to yourself,"Its funny how thing work out"
    I always tell my daughter,"if things come to you easy,its meant to be ,but if its an uphill battle,stop and choose a different path. Things happen for a reason even if we don't see it right away.
    Keep your head up,know you are beautiful,smart and responsible.
    .You are a good person and Angie,Everyday offers gifts ,untie the ribbons.

  • mannequin
    October 9, 2009 at 8:42 AM  

    Oh love, there is nothing wrong with you. It sounds like me was a friend, a very good friend. Maybe you wanted badly for him to be something that he just isn't.
    There is someone. Someone that will love and care for and about you and your precious kids. Someone that will appreciate your strength and love you in spite of it!

    Big hug Angie. Maybe Mr Right is right there in the office somewhere, down the hall. Don't lower your standards, you've taught your kids better.

  • TheEclecticElement
    October 9, 2009 at 8:58 AM  

    Aw, sweetheart! Your beautiful and talented and kind and a million other things I could probably tell you better if I knew you in person-You are a catch and any guy would be lucky to have you!!

    As for him, the way I look at my relationships(friends, family, boyfriends, etc) is they are in your life for a reason, and when they have fulfilled that reason, they move on. That's how life goes and sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's hard as hell, but you get through it =]

    Another thing I learned-Don't go looking for it, cause when you give up and focus on other things, it will come to you. Just take things as they come and I bet sometime good will come your way.

    Chin up! I hope my insomniac babble helped you out a little bit. Lol

  • The Caretaker
    October 9, 2009 at 9:03 AM  

    Sweetie, nothing is wrong with you. Don't worry about him and don't worry about men. Concentrate on yourself and your children, then everything will fall into place. Believe me. My mom and dad divorced when I was really little. My mom put me and my brother first and herself was always last. She work a full time job and 2 part time jobs to support us. When we got alittle older and almost out of high school, she started dating again and is now happily married. She had high standards too (and you stick to them, dont' lower yourself to any guy, you raise them up) and now she is treated like a queen. She gets whatever she wants and she is really well taken care of. Stand your ground and be strong. Don't let any man pull you down with them, that is not a man at all.

  • Trish
    October 9, 2009 at 12:27 PM  

    Nothing is wrong with you! Relationships are hard. They take work. Not everything is roses and whipped cream all the time. I bet you'll find someone when you least expect it!

  • Brandy
    October 9, 2009 at 1:22 PM  

    First: Nothing is wrong with you. From what I've learned virtually about you - you want what you want and you don't settle. Now that may mean you go through crap like this and feel alone and depressed but honestly you are much stronger than I. The situation I am in requires me to make some decisions on what's best for me and my kids ... but since I am "married" I often feel I should back up and re-think. I tell you we are a lot alike and wish I was closer than in NH.

    You are a great person and the best person will walk into your life someday! My husband and I were meant to be, I truly believe it just lately I swear I wonder if it's so true and he didn't meet me until he was in his early 30's too! Good things will come!!

    **hugs**
    Brandy

  • Anonymous
    October 9, 2009 at 1:33 PM  

    There's nothing wrong with you. Your children need you and maybe you just need to concentrate your efforts on getting them raised.

  • The Plumber's Wife
    October 9, 2009 at 11:11 PM  

    It sounds like you've made the right decision. The older I get, the less I can respect men who are not providers. His comment was very juvenile. I think you have better things to do than worrying about him. Someone will come along, someone worth waiting for. Just be a mom and blogger until you're ready for something more.

  • ~*~ Melissa ~*~
    October 9, 2009 at 11:17 PM  

    Aww Angie, don't think for one second that something is wrong with you. There's not. You have everything most women want.. besides a man. The way it sounds he wasn't too great for you anyway. 2 years and he didn't help you at all, that's not cool. You need a guy that can be there for you emotionally, physically, as a friend and as a supporter. You will find him when you least expect it, and until then.... have a blast being single! Go to some nice clubs and find yourself a nice right doctor or lawyer ;)

    *Half joking about the last sentence*

    I fee for you though girl, and if you need to talk or anything, I'm here.

    *Hugs*

  • Puanani503
    November 14, 2009 at 2:33 AM  

    I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.But I agree with everyone else, he was from another chapter in your life and I believe mister right is somewhere looking and hoping to meet you soon too! I believe that God doesn't give you something you can't handle, and you're a beautiful, strong, educated women who can hold her own:) Much hugs and blessings to you and your little ones!

  • Andrea H
    January 4, 2010 at 9:33 PM  

    I can't believe I somehow missed this post! Shame on ME!

    I know I knew sort of the situation but I guess I didn't realize how upsetting it was for you. I am SO sorry!

    There is not one darn thing wrong with YOU. Every grown man should work that is able. I was raised to believe that the man is supposed to be the leader and you were leading him!

    I know there is someone out there that will make you happy! I will continue to remember you in my prayers.

    MUCH LOVE~
    Andrea

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