Thursday, July 23, 2009
I have something I have to write about because it's been bugging me for 2 days, and I haven't been that, hmmm... shall I say... Pleasant?!
My birthday was two days ago. I turned 30-Something. I got one card from a friend that I used to work with (Hi Sharon!), a card from my friend Marge who also took me to lunch at Applebee's, and my boyfriend took the kids and I out to dinner.
I did not get a call or an email from any family member. To make it worse, I'm adopted and I have found my birth family, so there are tons of people that could have wished me a Happy Birthday.
So for the past two days I've been stewing about this, thinking, being a real sourpuss, and I kinda, sorta, took it out on someone who didn't necessarily deserve it.
Matter of fact, what I did was a real jerk move. I went into this Family Tree that my aunt (she's married to my mom's brother) maintains. It's her family as well as some of my mom's on there. I posted a journal entry earlier today that said something to the effects of "I love how no one emailed or called to tell me happy birthday." blah blah blah.
My aunt proceeded to post a "status update" on Facebook directed at me, after she emailed me. I couldn't believe she did that but she hasn't quite learned how to use Facebook. I should have let it slide but I didn't. I posted a comment on her status update that I couldn't believe she put that on blast like that. Really... I couldn't believe she did that, but still...
She did comment on a post I put on my Facebook page the day before my birthday and told me happy birthday. Yeah, she screwed the date up, but at least she said happy birthday right?
I am kinda sorry that this happened but guess what? Most of the time I hear nothing out of my family in Washington State (birth family). Heck, the same goes for my adoptive family in Maryland and Pennsylvania. I don't know if anybody's alive or dead.
Yes, there's a story as to why I don't talk to my adoptive family often but this is not the time or the place.
Why my birth family doesn't contact me is a mystery to me. My sister and I aren't speaking and haven't been since like April, but she could have told me happy birthday also. My brother never calls and his wife barely answers my emails. None of my aunts, uncles, cousins, or grandfather take the time out to call me either.
I've lived through a lot, I've seen a lot, and one thing I've learned is you can't make someone WANT to be part of your life. Hell, that's even posted on my MySpace page! I learned that the hard way, back when I was 22 years old, and living in a Homeless Women's Shelter. Relationships are a two-way street and must be nurtured by BOTH PARTIES. Every single thing that I've been through has taught me a lesson and made me stronger. On the downside, it's made me have this attitude that I don't need anybody. I do and I don't. That's the hardest part.
All I know is this: It's incredibly hard to be a single mother and have NO support system at all. You all that I interact with through my blog, on our Ning sites, and on Twitter, and a few friends that I speak to here and there, you're all I have.
And that's pretty disheartening. I mean, I love you and all, but it's hard to feel so alone all the time.
Call me a crybaby or a Bitch - that's fine. All I want is what everyone wants: Love and to be Accepted. And I surely didn't feel that on my birthday.
I know I won't be moving to Washington State after all. What's the point?
Aunt Becky - you're right, you didn't deserve that and I apologize. This is my public apology to you. Maybe having read this you'll understand why I'm so hurt.