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I Cried and I Stomped My Feet  

Thursday, July 23, 2009

I have something I have to write about because it's been bugging me for 2 days, and I haven't been that, hmmm... shall I say... Pleasant?!

My birthday was two days ago. I turned 30-Something. I got one card from a friend that I used to work with (Hi Sharon!), a card from my friend Marge who also took me to lunch at Applebee's, and my boyfriend took the kids and I out to dinner.

I did not get a call or an email from any family member. To make it worse, I'm adopted and I have found my birth family, so there are tons of people that could have wished me a Happy Birthday.

So for the past two days I've been stewing about this, thinking, being a real sourpuss, and I kinda, sorta, took it out on someone who didn't necessarily deserve it.

Matter of fact, what I did was a real jerk move. I went into this Family Tree that my aunt (she's married to my mom's brother) maintains. It's her family as well as some of my mom's on there. I posted a journal entry earlier today that said something to the effects of "I love how no one emailed or called to tell me happy birthday." blah blah blah.

My aunt proceeded to post a "status update" on Facebook directed at me, after she emailed me. I couldn't believe she did that but she hasn't quite learned how to use Facebook. I should have let it slide but I didn't. I posted a comment on her status update that I couldn't believe she put that on blast like that. Really... I couldn't believe she did that, but still...

She did comment on a post I put on my Facebook page the day before my birthday and told me happy birthday. Yeah, she screwed the date up, but at least she said happy birthday right?


I am kinda sorry that this happened but guess what? Most of the time I hear nothing out of my family in Washington State (birth family). Heck, the same goes for my adoptive family in Maryland and Pennsylvania. I don't know if anybody's alive or dead.

Yes, there's a story as to why I don't talk to my adoptive family often but this is not the time or the place.

Why my birth family doesn't contact me is a mystery to me. My sister and I aren't speaking and haven't been since like April, but she could have told me happy birthday also. My brother never calls and his wife barely answers my emails. None of my aunts, uncles, cousins, or grandfather take the time out to call me either.

I've lived through a lot, I've seen a lot, and one thing I've learned is you can't make someone WANT to be part of your life. Hell, that's even posted on my MySpace page! I learned that the hard way, back when I was 22 years old, and living in a Homeless Women's Shelter. Relationships are a two-way street and must be nurtured by BOTH PARTIES. Every single thing that I've been through has taught me a lesson and made me stronger. On the downside, it's made me have this attitude that I don't need anybody. I do and I don't. That's the hardest part.

All I know is this: It's incredibly hard to be a single mother and have NO support system at all. You all that I interact with through my blog, on our Ning sites, and on Twitter, and a few friends that I speak to here and there, you're all I have.

And that's pretty disheartening. I mean, I love you and all, but it's hard to feel so alone all the time.

Call me a crybaby or a Bitch - that's fine. All I want is what everyone wants: Love and to be Accepted. And I surely didn't feel that on my birthday.

I know I won't be moving to Washington State after all. What's the point?

Aunt Becky - you're right, you didn't deserve that and I apologize. This is my public apology to you. Maybe having read this you'll understand why I'm so hurt.

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8 comments: to “ I Cried and I Stomped My Feet

  • •´.¸¸.•¨¯`♥.Erin.♥´¯¨•.¸¸.´•
    July 23, 2009 at 10:14 PM  

    I think you're hurt feelings are completely valid and I'm sorry. Relationships are a two way street for sure - it's hard when you give more than others. (hugs)

  • The Redhead Riter
    July 24, 2009 at 12:30 AM  

    I'm so sorry! It sounds like you've had it rough. Try to just step back from the situation, without emotion, and see it for what it really is...and, the next time your birthday is coming, make darn sure days ahead of time to tell everyone. Life is hectic and we get older and simply forget. It might not have anything to do with the love they feel at all.

    I'm usually the first to "give" but I don't mind. I know deep down they love me, but I'm just better at showing it more openly.


  • Leslie
    July 24, 2009 at 12:42 AM  

    I am sorry Angie . I am sorry you have a ruff b-day. To be honest & actually know how you feel.I have a very disfunctional family! Last year no one in my family was around for my b-day. My dad is the biggest joke! He left my mom when I was in high school. So I have a split family. I feel like the black sheep in my family. If you ever need to talk I am here for you. I can understand somewhat of what you are going through.

    Hugs :)

  • makeetis
    July 24, 2009 at 4:41 AM  

    I can completely understand why you are hurt..I would be too..Your families should want to call or at least email you..I am so sorry that they didn't. You are a great person and they are missing out....Maybe they will soon realize that..

  • TheTinyJEWELBox
    July 24, 2009 at 9:00 AM  

    I agree. Your feelings are certainly warranted. Every person, sweetheart or hardheart, wants to be loved and needed. This isn't something that you grow out of...

  • Connie Walsh
    July 24, 2009 at 12:38 PM  

    I've learned in life that people do or don't do things based on them, not on you. If something causes fear or upset or some negative emotion they will abstain or ignore because it causes them problems. Frankly, it has nothing to do with you.

    God is Great
    Beer is Good
    People are Crazy.

    For example, I have 6 brothers and sisters and I never send birthday cards or anything, because I fear getting the date wrong...silly? probably!! Good thing is that we are not a big birthday family. My mom forgot my birthday when I was 12 and that was okay cause when she remembered I got extra.

    All I'm trying to say is that it isn't because they don't love you and it certainly isn't because you are not worthy. You are, you are so worthy. It's because something is wrong inside of them.

  • passion4pink
    July 25, 2009 at 11:28 AM  

    Hi Angie
    guess what!!! I was in a very similar position to you once, and a single mother of 2 precious little girls. I was in a very unpleasant relationship for a while and I felt very worthless for a long time. I learnt a lot of things in my life but the most important thing was 'in order to love others and have them love you, you must first love yourself'.Please look in the mirror everyday and say 'I am beautiful and I am a beautiful person' and teach your children to do this too and you will be blessed with overwhelming love. Sounds gooey? I know but OMG it has worked for me!!!Check out my life now at Unfortunately I won't take you back to my old stuff 10 years ago.
    Your blog is soooo pretty!!!!!!!
    Cheers Vicki

  • LoveMy2Dogs
    July 26, 2009 at 7:29 PM  

    I understand your hurt feelings. I just tell myself, that is why we have feelings. It was your day and nobody gave you that. I hope that it gets better for you. I have the big 4-0 coming up in a few weeks and I am having issues with it. I am wishing that everyone forgets.

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