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Loss & Grief  

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

This post is a somber one.

Two years ago today I lost my birth mother to a flesh eating bacteria. The void that was created so many years ago will never be filled. I miss her. When I want to talk to her, I can't. I have to put the phone down.

When I think of her grandchildren growing up without her, it hurts. No one will fill the void that losing her created.

I'm grateful that I found her before she passed, and I'm grateful for her choosing to give me life. I'm also grateful for my brother and sister that she gave to me.

This photo is from one in my brother's house. There aren't many photos of my mother, and this one is one of my favorites.

Here's one of her and my brother in the 80s:

I've never dealt with loss this deep and I doubt I ever will again. Even though I forgave my mother years ago, I still wanted to know some things.

All I can do now is wonder...

Rest In Peace, Mommy....

Carol Susan James
02/27/57 to 04/14/07

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9 comments: to “ Loss & Grief

  • Jenny K
    April 14, 2009 at 9:05 AM  

    I know how excited you were to find her, and then to have her taken away again must have been so tough to deal with. Keep her memory alive by sharing what you know about her with those beautiful children of yours. It might not seem like it now, but as the years pass her memory will stay vivid and eventually the pain will fade away. It will never go away for good, but it will be soothed by the fond memories you two shared in the time you were together. Hugs to you as you remember your mom. Jen K

  • Katja
    April 14, 2009 at 9:58 AM  

    I am so sorry for your loss. Just try to think of the moments you had with her and tell as much for your children about her as you know.

    Hugs! Katja

  • Melissa
    April 14, 2009 at 2:29 PM  

    I'm so sorry for your loss Angie. I know that noones words can really help, but I hope they can be a comfort... to know that you are not alone.. and one day the pain won't be as bad. Just know that her memory holds on in you and your children, and every other person that held her dear to their hearts.

  • TheEclecticElement
    April 14, 2009 at 6:29 PM  

    I'm very sorry for your loss. That is something you will carry with you for the rest of your life, but knowing that you got to meet her, just for a little while makes me happy.
    You were mean to come into her life when you did and no matter how short a time it was, you both took something away from that time.
    Love and Energies.

  • Naddez
    April 14, 2009 at 11:57 PM  

    I'm sorry for your loss. I experienced a similar loss. All I can do @ times was just cry. But God gave me strength to go through it. He was my friend in the time of mourning, loneliness, missing that loveone, in tears. God was truly thete for me. Trust God and talk to Him.

    I'm praying for you and your family.

  • K
    April 15, 2009 at 7:14 AM  

    I've lost a parent too. It is a difficult thing and I don't think you ever really get over it.

    I'm sorry for your loss.

  • mannequin
    April 15, 2009 at 8:24 AM  

    Oh Angie I'm so sorry, I keep thinking that somehow I will successfully prepare my children for my death one day and I don't think anyone, at any age is ever prepared.

    You're a very wise, sweet and intelligent woman and I think your mom had something to do with that. :)


  • Mary
    April 15, 2009 at 10:14 AM  

    I'm so sorry, Angie. My thoughts are with you.

  • Mommashopper
    April 16, 2009 at 12:58 PM  

    I lost my mother early too. You were so right on with your internal feelings. Thanks this just helps me deal with my emotions knowing that I am not alone.


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